I have a memory that’s so vivid I can practically smell the black top, feel the dirt between my fingers from tetherball, and hear the laughter of children my age. There really wasn’t anything special about that day: I was at recess, it was hot, and I wanted an Otter Pop. My elementary school surroundings became muted to the sad realization that crept into my 8 year old head: “I wish I was white.”
Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that can really bring you down if you let it. But why should it? I dare you to give me one valid reason for why Valentine’s Day has the authority to make you feel bad about your independence. Don’t have a significant other? Happy Valentine’s Day to you!
I’m not one of those “down with Valentine’s Day!!!” people. I don’t think it’s a horrid holiday that is only around so the card and candy companies stay in business. I think Valentine’s Day has a great sentiment to it. It’s a really nice idea that on one day a year, everyone shows each other a little more love than they normally do. Whether you buy your mom flowers or your boyfriend a nice watch, it’s all about pleasing the ones that make your life worth living. But what if you’re single? Does that mean you should miss out on all the fun too?
I have never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. Not once. And when I was younger I used to let it bum me out. But I decided this year that I am going to celebrate ME. Now, I don’t mean this in a conceded “I’m awesome and beautiful and the best” kind of way. That’s obnoxious and definitely not the point. No, this year I decided to treat myself (Parks and Recreation reference?)
My Single Valentine’s Day Plans:
Go to Corner Bakery (because food)
See 50 Shades of Grey (awkwardly with friends)
Go out and have a drink (because of 50 Shades of Grey)
Enjoy a beautiful brunch with mimosas the following morning
My point is this: If you’re single, tomorrow is not a day to feel upset about it. Really, you should be thanking your lucky stars that you aren’t in a crappy relationship or stuck with your ex boyfriend. Take the night to enjoy where you are in your life and make it a day that you are excited about!
Go dance to some empowering music, put on comfy clothes, and bake something delicious.
February 14th does not make or break you. I promise.
When I got engaged, it was one of the happiest days I can remember. I was so excited to marry this man and I couldn’t wait to start planning the wedding itself. How fun to have engagement parties, photo sessions, bridal showers, pick out decorations and taste cake together? It sounded fabulous! For people with an unlimited income and amount of family members to help plan and execute…maybe. For the every day girl, like me, planning a wedding is a whole lot more complicated than anyone is willing to share. So, I want to talk about the struggle…because it is real.
Its Not Easy
It may sound obvious, but nobody really knows how difficult it is until you actually start planning a wedding. Where do you start? What’s your budget? Where’s the venue? The date? The guests? Suddenly, you are overwhelmed with thoughts of dollar signs, dress choices, venues and you are already getting away from the point of the wedding itself…which is celebrating the love between two people! Do not let the planning of the wedding overshadow the person you’re marrying. Continue reading
A couple of weeks ago, I happened to have a day off from my busy schedule, all by my lonesome. One of my favorite things to do on days like these, when the rare opportunity strikes, is enjoy a nice relaxing solo lunch out. I feel it’s not only peaceful, but kind of empowering to go to a restaurant alone and be totally comfortable in your own skin. It is also a great opportunity to people watch and let time slow as you observe all of the other lives moving in fast forward around you.
While sitting at the bar of one of my favorite lunch places, (we’ll call it schmita jungle for inconspicous’ sake) I had an unnerving experience that chizzled away at my empathetic soul.
As I sat at the bar, ordered my favorite salad and a glass of Prosecco, I noticed there is something quite different about the bartender before me. She seems… tired. When she turns her back to enter her orders, I see her shirt slip off her shoulder as if it has become a bit baggy on her. She has a bright smile, but her head has a cotton wrap and she appears to be wearing a slightly pale complexion on her young beautiful face. It didn’t take me long to put together that this young vibrant woman had been given a very unfortunate card and was sick. Battling something much bigger than I could ever imagine. Continue reading
I want to address the giant elephant in the room that everyone is scared to talk about, relationship problems. That’s right, I said it. And be ready for what I say next…relationships are HARD. I don’t care if you’ve been together one year, or ten. Every day is a constant work in progress.
Most people that enter a relationship are under the impression that because they are in love, everything will flow and come easily, and it just isn’t true. Two people can be head over heels unbelievably, The Notebook status, in LOVE, but if they don’t put work into the relationship it doesn’t have a fighting chance of survival. Now, I am no relationship expert, but I have had some experience, both negative and positive, in this subject and I feel I have learned a thing or two. Here are 10 ways to keep it un Hunet (one hundred for those that don’t speak slang) in your relationship. Continue reading
A few weeks ago, I was out having drinks with a girlfriend. As we are conversing, I see her giggle and make a repetitive slide action across her phone screen. “What is that you’re doing?”, I ask very curious as to what game or app could be more important than our gossip session. “It’s Tinder! You don’t know Tinder?” Like Tinder is someone I went to high school with, that I should be ashamed I never had the pleasure of knowing.
Turns out, Tinder is not the captain of the football team, but actually a dating app. Not just any dating app, but an app which actually links to your Facebook, shows only 3 pictures of your choice, your age and a headline. When you are attracted to the “person”, you double tap. When you aren’t? You swipe them out like yesterday’s trash, and once you have you will never see them again. No second chances.
Now, if they “double tap” you back, you are allowed to actually contact each other. You know, to continue the deep relationship foundation you two have already kindled with your mutual “double tap”.
While I get that this may be entertaining, or for people that just want to “have fun”, I have a bone to pick with Tinder. Three pictures and one typed sentenced? How can you possibly know if you are attracted to that person??? You don’t experience their smile, the sparkle in their eye, their laugh. For all you know, you could have just swiped away the love of your life because it was a bad angle, or better yet double tapped the biggest douche Lord you have ever met. Continue reading
Earlier this week, just like any other day, I am relaxing in my room, enjoying the few hours before I have to mozy in to work. Suddenly, I hear this big “clunk” against the side of our house, by my upstairs window.
I eventually travel down stairs to find my fiance, on our patio sweeping up glass. “What happened!?”, I asked, confused as to what could have just caused him to calmly be sweeping up mystery glass. “Oh, the neighbor kids threw a bottle at our hou…” ,before he could even finish his sentence I was fuming. “I’m gonna make those little shits clean it, I’m going to go tell their parents! Ugh….” Between all my huffs and puffs he quickly interrupts, “Ash, I took care of it! ”
The first thing that comes to mind is the scene in Dumb & Dumber when Lloyd tapes the birds head back on and gives it to a blind kid, proclaiming, “Harry, I took care of it!” As it flashes to the blind kid in the wheel chair petting it’s head, saying, “pretty birddddd”.
What do you mean you took care of it??? “I took care of it!” He repeats smugly. “Ok, please elaborate”, I stuttered. Slightly amused by the fact that he feels he handled this situation appropriately. Yet, here he stands, in our backyard sweeping up broken glass. Continue reading
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about communication. Specifically about the way us twenty-somethings have been made to think we need to communicate with potential matches of the opposite sex. More and more, I’ve found myself wondering, “Where did all our words go?” Personally, I spent three years with someone who completely stifled my voice and told me that my thoughts weren’t worth expressing, and quite frankly, I don’t want to be a part of it anymore.
I don’t want to sit and wonder how long I have to wait before replying to someone’s text, or carefully choosing my words to make sure the lengths of our texts are comparable. I can’t stand fretting over what it would look like if I text first; will I look desperate, needy, too interested? When did these ideas become perpetuated in our dating world, and what purpose are they serving?
It seems to me that the only thing that has come of such habits are that people are no longer allowed to show genuine interest in one another. Relationships are hardly built from instances like this because no one can be themselves, and no one is willing to take the risk to be the person too interested. In stark contradiction to these ideas, I have never seen anything wrong come from words and actions founded with true feelings and emotions.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that the truth can’t be hard, that it will never hurt. But, at the end of the day, when all the real stuff is out in the air, it gives people the ability to make honest decisions about the relationships in their lives and if they are worth the effort to preserve. I’m also not saying to just start spouting off at the mouth any thought that crosses our pretty little minds. What I am saying, is that we should always try to speak the truth when the truth needs to be heard. That when we really feel something that we should be able to speak about it.
We’ve all seen the internet picture telling us if we miss someone to tell them, if we want to call someone pick up the phone, if we’re feeling something, say it, and that concept has been on my mind. However, when thinking about implementing this in my own life, it is a little scary because I can never be sure how someone may react to it. I’ve come to realize, though, that at the end of the day, I don’t want a guy that can’t handle it. I want someone who will tell me he misses me so I don’t have to wonder if I’m on his mind. I want to know that I can pick the phone up and call him and he won’t over-think what it means, he’ll just be glad to hear my voice. If those things can’t be said of the person on the other end of my phone, they aren’t worth the effort and it won’t be right anyway.
I’ve come to find that sometimes the words choking me up, the number I can’t quite bring myself to dial, the thoughts leaving my stomach twisted into knots, those are the words the other person needs to hear most, the words I most need to say. So here it is, me taking my voice back and finding my words again. I’m done with the games, I don’t want to play a game I’ll never win anyway.
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