When I got engaged, it was one of the happiest days I can remember. I was so excited to marry this man and I couldn’t wait to start planning the wedding itself. How fun to have engagement parties, photo sessions, bridal showers, pick out decorations and taste cake together? It sounded fabulous! For people with an unlimited income and amount of family members to help plan and execute…maybe. For the every day girl, like me, planning a wedding is a whole lot more complicated than anyone is willing to share. So, I want to talk about the struggle…because it is real.
Its Not Easy
It may sound obvious, but nobody really knows how difficult it is until you actually start planning a wedding. Where do you start? What’s your budget? Where’s the venue? The date? The guests? Suddenly, you are overwhelmed with thoughts of dollar signs, dress choices, venues and you are already getting away from the point of the wedding itself…which is celebrating the love between two people! Do not let the planning of the wedding overshadow the person you’re marrying.
Everyone Wants to Talk About It
If you thought anyone wanted to hear about your life…you’re wrong. They want to hear about the wedding. Where it’s going to be, how much planning you have done, what kind of food you are having. But, for someone like me, whose engagement ended up being an extended two years…sometimes you just don’t feel like talking about butter cream frosting and mason jar candle lights.
Everyone Has an Opinion
Stemming off of the “everyone wants to talk about it”, everyone suddenly feels very entitled in giving you their opinion about where you should have it, what kind of food you should or should not have, your theme and, of course, your dress. You cannot please everyone and, Lord knows, you cannot INVITE everyone.
People Come Out of the Wood Work
Like winning the lottery, suddenly you have friends and family that cannot wait to see you on your big day. You make lists of wedding guests realizing you are suddenly adding people out of fear of hurting their feelings, rather than the fact that you desperately want them there on your big day. My advice, if you can picture your day without them there, skip the invite. It’s not personal because the day is about you and your partner, not the guests.
Weddings are Expensive
Yes, you probably knew that. To an extent…but, really, they are expensive. All of the little items, the cake, catering, the venue, the dress, the tux, the wedding party gifts, the parties; it all adds up to dollar signs. I am one of the most budget savvy people you will ever meet, and it is nearly impossible to do a wedding on the cheap. As a guest you are imaging every decoration, the food, the ice sculpture in the corner. You don’t realize how much time and money actually went into those details. I can tell you, A LOT.
Your Dream Dress May Look Like Shit on You
Yes I said it. Before you get all bridezilla on me let me explain. You pick this dress out of a magazine that looks like it was made up in your head. The perfect embellishments, a flattering silhouette and just the right amount of lace. You get to the bridal shop and pull it from the rack. The embellishments look like shiny rocks hanging off the dress, the lace is cutting into your back-fat and they only carry it in a size 2. So, as you are trying it on, you feel like a sausage casing. Not really how you pictured the day you chose the most important dress of your life, huh? Its ok. There will be another dress. One that fits you like a glove and makes you light up like a Christmas tree when you spot yourself in the mirror.
Trying on Dresses is not as Fun as it Looks
I’ll take you back to the first time I tried on dresses. I brought some coworkers, because my family lives out of state and my best friend was out of town. I picked my first choices and headed into the dressing room. The sales associate (who is in the dressing room with you the entire time) begins cinching me up. Suddenly, my stomach starts to gurgle at her and I make eye contact. I could see the horror in her eyes and I said in a panicked voice, “get it off!” This was the beginning of a three day stomach flu that started in the bridal shop bathroom. So, just in case you were under the impression that the person writing this was not human, let me reassure you.
Aside from this experience almost ending like a famous scene in Bridesmaids, among other reasons, your time trying on dresses may not be as magical as you expect. Chances are you will not find the dress the first or second or third time. By this time, you are tired of the sales women pulling dresses that are out of your budget and not your style. The panel of judges you brought are pointing out every dislike on the dress and sometimes even how it, “makes your body look” and if you hear one more comment like such, you may just strangle them with the $300.00 veil you have on! Just when you were totally over it….you find it. And all of the other stuff melts away. You walk out and the “oohs” and “ahhs” sound like music to your ears.
You Will Have Weddingmares
Because this wedding is on your mind so often, it is bound to happen. You WILL have weddingmares. The nightmare where you are there on your big day, about to marry the love of your life and everything goes wrong. He’s tipsy, the music won’t play, the flower girl is crying, no one showed up or your dress doesn’t fit. These are not signs that any of these things will actually happen, but that the stress of the event is getting to your head. Take a deep breathe and remember what its all about.
Sometimes You Plan Doesn’t End Up Being “The Plan”
Everyone pictures their day to be perfect. Everything is in the right order and place. Every aspect goes smoothly and calmly and every plan you’ve ever had for your wedding is executed with ease. I’ll take you back to the morning I lost my shit. Being on a tight budget and wanting only a few friends and family members there with us on our wedding day, we decided to go against the traditional grain and get married on a cruise to the Caribbean. Plans were made, all of the guests and ourselves were synced up and ready to book flights, send out invitations and book excursions. Then I get the email. “We are sorry to inform you but the cruise ship in which you would have been sailing will be permanently docked in Puerto Rico. Your CRUISE HAS BEEN CANCELLED.” Am I on Punked??? Can they even do this? Suddenly my phone flooded with phone calls from everyone else who had just gotten the email. I cried and yelled and definitely lost my composure, to put it lightly. So, we regrouped and calmed down, and we did the only thing we could do at that point, which was start over. We now are getting married on a cruise to Jamaica, on a bigger, nicer ship with more food and better stops. Things may not end up going exactly how you pictured it, but I promise you’ll look back one day and be thankful it was all the way you remember it.
It Will All Work Out
Here we are, two years into our engagement. Different jobs than we had when he popped the question and different plans than when I said. “yes.” We are three months away from our wedding. We don’t have the money saved that we were supposed to. Decorations are not bought for the reception. Flight is still not booked. Even though this is nerve racking (and honestly terrifying), we know in our hearts that it will all be ok. All you can do it work your ass off, put plans into action and hope it all works out. At the end of the day, it’s not about the wedding, the food, the parties, the dress; it’s about marrying the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. So, look past all of the roadblocks and imagine the prize at the end of the road.
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